My mind wanders scary places at night.
If I worked out every time someone rejected me in life or made me feel unimportant I might actually be in shape. LOL fml.
I’m extremely jealous of girls who get quality time with their boyfriend. Girls that spend whole days with their boyfriend and late hours of the night with them, falling asleep together. I mean I usually get that, the falling asleep part, but not much else. You know what’s the worst? They never tell you just how much growing up and being an adult sucks. I really would struggle to tell you many good things about life as a responsible adult. I barely even remember what it’s like to have fun anymore. I miss my boyfriend and that’s not his fault. He tries most of the time but I get that he’s tired. He just graduated school so he’s working in the field and his job is mentally and physically demanding. So me sending him texts about how much I miss him and us probably isn’t helpful after a really long, exhausting and strenuous day. But I did it anyway because I’m selfish. The first sentence even said that. I feel selfish and guilty for wanting more from him but it’s extremely hard to deal with seeing your boyfriend a few nights. Him coming over at 9pm and basically passing out at 10pm doesn’t really constitute spending time together. But I take what I can get. I know I only work half as much as him, but seriously, I’m younger. I still have a year before I graduate so you can’t even expect me to spend my last summer, basically as a kid, working full-time. Not to mention I used to work 30-40 hour weeks at my old job. I never stopped to enjoy myself so that’s what I’m doing now. Well minus the enjoy part because I have issues trying to be happy as it seems. The worst part is even on my worst days where I’m so exhausted I would still try and see him at the end of it and sometimes that’s all I want. I just want that extra little bit of effort to make me feel wanted. As of late I haven’t felt very wanted by many people. It’s difficult. It’s difficult to deal with rarely seeing the person you love most in the world and it’s even worse to not spend many conscious moments with them. I just wanna talk. I want to go sit on the beach at night, lay under the stars and talk about life. Talk about the past or the future and just feel like for that time that nothing else matters. I mainly just miss him. I miss us. And I feel royally gyped that they tried to tell us growing up was so great when in reality it couldn’t suck more. It’s true what you see.. don’t grow up it’s a trap.